SoCS: Spoke

https://lindaghill.com/category/stream-of-consciousness-saturday/

I was out for a walk in my wheelchair today and nothing really spoke to me to be photographed. I had the camera around my neck but there was just nothing! Just as I was getting home I reached out to touch what I thought was an orange flower and realized it was an orange caterpillar. THAT spoke to me. So I squat down and watched him for awhile. I took a picture of him and moved on towards home. As I was in the road in front of my house a woodpecker spoke to me. He just kept speaking. I took his photo and one as he was flying away and even though it was blurry I still loved his body and shape and how he was looking up. He was going up so he was looking up. It just made me think of how many people walk around looking down. I also thought about how blurry photos really bum me out and then totally changed that thought to ” It may have not been a perfect photo but it was still a perfect moment.”

Then the little bird that calls like a cat meowing landed on the birdbath in front of my living room. I was still way out in the road so I took the best pictures I could. He took a little bath. I mean we are talking years I have wondered where this sound from this bird has come from and all of a sudden he appears out of nowhere, makes the sound, solves the mystery of the sound, then shows up the next day in the birdbath. How cool is that!

It was a bit of a cry breakdown day for me. Throughout the day I had tears and that is not typical for me because I like to stuff it all in but the sadness of so many things was just too heavy for me to carry. I thought about my mom and how he left and even though she left because of me, she should have stayed for my daughter. My daughter is SO worth it. And I am really not so hard to tolerate! I mean other than the “ACCEPT I WAS ABUSED” which ruined everything but was unavoidable and needed to happen. I was in such a fuss I decided I didn’t want to blog anymore because who am I helping, why am I putting this out there, does it mean anything? And then I get this outpouring of love today on my blog comments. It was so freaking cool!!! Just when I needed them! I even got a package from one of THE only cousins that speaks to me in my family packed full of things from my biological grandmother and I thought, “OK I’m not totally alone in this.”

So I knew I had to set out to find the sunset on the prairie. This is THE only way to bring peace, ground me, set my priorities straight, calm the PTSD, balance, bring gratitude. And yes. The sunset, as always spoke to me.

Thank you to Linda for this word prompt: spoke, as I would not have spoken at all but this gave me the perfect word to do so.

11 thoughts on “SoCS: Spoke

  1. That sunset really is a beautiful one. It’s incredible what a simple word and walk outside can do for our mental states! I hope you’re feeling a little better now and continue blogging. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey girlfriend…I love how the most amazing creatures seem to follow you around.

    And please…cry. Don’t hold that shit in. Emotions were meant to be experienced and released.

    Lastly, you aren’t pingbacking correctly. It’s not showing up on her post.

    Liked by 1 person

      • It has to be a link to her exact post with the prompt, not her page. Get to the prompt post and copy the web address in the top bar and paste it into your post and hit enter/return. It should create a pingback, though sometimes doesn’t work. If not, paste a link to your post in her comment section

        Like

    • I put the link directly on her page and it still didn’t show. Maybe she is sleeping and has to approve them and just hasn’t yet.
      Crying…i hate crying. I always feel tired and sick after. But sometimes it just happens.
      I love the dragonfly although I posted that one before this one. She was beautiful.
      I think they just don’t find me to be a threat. Although I did learn that I do not speak raccoon. One kind of sauntered by the other night and looked at me over his shoulder like oh hell no this is MY yard and climbed under the fence. I guess it is HIS hole and I’ve wondered for awhile what climbs under there. The fox just leaps over the fence.

      Like

  3. The caterpillar: Pretty but too furry for me to hold. I know some are poisonous too so there’s that too. lol.

    Glad you solved the mystery of the strange sound. Pretty bird.
    That’s a woodpecker in the first two though, right?

    I like the association you made with the caterpillar and how most people are looking down. It’s true and usually at their phone. Can’t walk around without that thing.

    Sorry you were feeling so tearful and sad. But then that surprise package! That was really cool.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That sucker was a stinger for sure. Had I touched him he WOULD have stung.
      Yes that is a woodpecker. I love that they are in pairs and they stay together all the time. He was really big!
      Not that I’ve become more aware of trying to find certain things and break the depression anxiety cycle even for a moment I notice I am looking up and down and all around and I watch others and they are walking across the street oblivious. Sometimes i want to be oblivious to everything which I rarely am because I’m so hypervigilant about everything but for me focusing on a flower or a cloud helps me to just get out of my head. Maybe phones help others so I shouldn’t really judge now that I think of it..other than when they cross the road, especially with like a 3 year old who they aren’t even holding their hand but on their phone i mean come on people right!

      Liked by 1 person

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