I’ve already SEEN Dr. House

I haven’t been writing because my physical health has hit an all time low. My mental health has also hit a low. Someone mentioned to me a number of weeks ago (only the 50th person to mention it) that I needed Dr. House to fix me. Dr. House is a fictional Doctor on a TV show. So, I watched 8 seasons of house. I wrote down all of the differentials and diagnosis of different patients. Sadly, I was able to diagnose most of them in the first part of the show. That is what happens when you’ve been sick most of your life and seen hundreds of real life Dr Houses. Some of the diagnosis on the show…

Organophosphate poisoning

Wilson’s disease

Wegener’s disease



Cushing’s disease

Copper toxicity





Whipple’s disease


Q fever




Heavy metal toxicity

Lead poisoning

Environmental toxin poisoning

Chiari malformation

Coxackie b virus

Epstein bar virus





Zika virus


Polycystic ovaries

Malignant hyperthermia

And guess what…I have been tested or treated for ever single one of them. I’d copy and paste my labs but I have no space for media to do that but I have the labs that show qfever and all of the others. The point is I HAVE had Dr. House in real life. A ton of them.

I am my own advocate. I study diseases, advocate for myself, and then apply to be in case studies and genetic testing.

I was diagnosed with a muscle disease by muscle biopsy 11 or 12 years ago now. But the muscle disease lacked the genetic mutation component. I found a specialist ON MY OWN in England who has been studying my case since. I have been in a case study in Canada. I have been in a case study at the National Institute of Health. These are the top Doctors in the world and so again, I have SEEN the real LIFE Dr. House times 50 and I am still somewhat of a mystery.

Currently I am being studied in the US as part of a genetic case. He took on my case because of the England doctor’s referral. Everyone around the world has seen copies of my muscle biopsy tissue. Photos of my atrophied leg and shoulder. My case has been presented in Germany and multiple other countries. So far, the journey continues to find an answer. They know I have a muscle disease they just don’t know what is causing it.

They also know I have a bone disease diagnosed around the same time with no idea what is causing it.

I also had a past case of rocky mountain spotted fever and Lyme disease. I had no idea that a person could become reinfected. I just went to the doctor today after being bit by a tick 6 weeks ago. After 2 rounds of antibiotics, one trip to the ER, I am still very much not ok. I tried all of the herbal/holistic/natural approach and I have become sicker. So now come the big guns for daily antibiotic injections since this infection is affecting my heart rate and neurological system. It is deeply deeply upsetting.

I knew I was depressed when I stopped writing. I really knew I was depressed when I didn’t immediately renew my blog for more space to post my photography. I really knew I was depressed when I photographed a once in a lifetime wild horse and felt almost nothing after. I thought maybe it was my anti seizure medicine making me depressed. I thought that maybe it was too many triggers in the last month flaring up my PTSD and anxiety to an all time high. But when I told my doctor today that I truly wish I were dead she took me seriously. The infection is affecting my brain. We have to do the muscular injections of antibiotics. Can my muscles that are atrophied handle 30 injections? I have no idea!

I will tell you that I went to church on my way home and for the first time ever prayed for myself. I always pray there for others but today I prayed for myself. I pray in the garden outside, not in the church.

I’ve had many reasons to wish I were dead. Abuse, PTSD, illness, more abuse…but not until now do I wish I went to sleep and didn’t wake up. Usually a sunset would fix that or a bird or my daughter or husband. Now that this infection from the tick has affected me, I am more sensitive to chemicals, smells, everything is triggering. Everything is overwhelming. Everything makes me sad and despondent.

I just wanted to share my struggle. With someone. Anyone. My blog is about abuse and PTSD but that is really only part of my story. I have a number of rare diseases and I am tired of being my own advocate. I pray this man studying my DNA right now finds the answers because I am just tired. The PTSD triggers push me over the edge. I’m watching my body waste away and so aware the my mind is not far behind. I think I am just hoping for hope. For prayers.

I’m not writing this for suggestions. As you’ve read I’ve been seeing doctors at the highest specialist level I can see all over the world. I’ve tried it all. Even if I don’t get an answer, I hope for spontaneous relief of just one of my symptoms. I need someone to have hope for me because I am about all out. Not a good place to be. So if anyone wants to pass me some hope I will gladly accept!

That little bird that I posted for Linda’s contest…I went out in horrible pain, crying pain, terrible anxiety, terrible panic attack, and I found that bird! And I listened to her song. And she gave me a moment that made me think everything might be ok. That’s why I posted her for Linda’s contest. She was important to me. Giving me hope when I had none. Even for a second. I just need that back again.

Thanks for listening.

TIME TO VOTE for the 2018-2019 One Liner Wednesday Badge!

Please check out all the fantastic choices and hopefully vote for bird on a post that I submitted 🙂 but honesty you can’t go wrong with any of them. Wonderful artists!

Linda G. Hill

The time has come! All the entries–all nine of them!–for this year’s One-Liner Wednesday badge contest are in. The designs are fantastic, so make sure you have a look at all of them before you vote. It’s going to be another close race this year.

Please note the descriptions I’ve given them: they’ll be what you vote for on the poll. Here they are, in the order they entered the contest. Just click to visit each one:

Shoreline by Frank Hubeny

Don’t say no by Jim Adams

Bird on a Post by Bethany K

Connection by Wire by J-Dub

Take My Card by John Holton

Giraffes by Myrna

Blue Sky and Clouds by Hip to be Snark

The Waving Girl by Melissa

Peace, Love, and Please by Cheryl

I encourage the contestants and all their supporters to share their choices for best badge far and wide. Get all your friends…

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I’ve used all of my media space on wordpress 😟

Well it appears that I have used all of the 13 GB of space provided from the premium plan on wordpress. I cannot upload anymore photos and I REALLY wanted to upload the rest of the horses and the video. Alas, I can only do that if I upgrade to a business plan. Well…this is not a business. And I don’t have $200 for a business plan. I have no idea why they don’t just let you upgrade your media.

I’m a bit downhearted! But I had a wonderful day with the horses. You can always go over to my instagram and see my photos there


But kind of takes the fun out of blogging for me if I cannot share my photos…whoa is me…

VERY exciting adventures with the husband 1

After seeing the wild horses we decided to go back today. The last time they were not accessible to me and I was driven to them by a park ranger. But TODAY they were just on the side of the path grazing near the water. My husband and I, and a few people behind us went up the path and I sat back in the grass so I could take photos. They were maybe 30 yards(yeah I have no clue) away from us and I was taking photos. The other couples walked past and continued on. I was just sitting there and the baby was grazing but walking closer and closer. Finally he lifted his head and came right to me. It was by far one of the most incredible moments ever. I took one photo of him then put my camera down. I had to embrace the moment. For some reason put out my hand and the minute I did he walked past. I wonder what he would have done had I not put out my hand. After that the mother came by. She walked right up and for a second I thought this may not be good but nope she just checked me out and walked past.

The second exciting thing was realizing that the one baby was nursing on two separate mothers! I had no idea they did this. My husband and I sat for two hours watching them. About a quarter of the way through ( I will withhold my rage) a man decided to walk out to them near the water and photograph them and they all ran away. I videotaped them while they ran away and it was so interesting to watch the stallion make sure his baby was over the hill and out of sight. The mares followed behind. I raced my scooter as fast as I could to…well I am not sure what I would have said to the man because when I caught up to him he didn’t speak english so…he walked on…scared the horses more…then finally got bored an walked away. Then my husband and I sat for another hour or so just watching the horses graze out in the prairie. They were absolutely beautiful to watch. The wind was blowing. It was overcast. The birds were flying all around us. It was an incredible time with incredible moments. I will upload some of the photos here and then in another post since they won’t all upload onto one (at least I don’t know how to do that without crashing WP)