SoCS : Suicide posts and memes and why they anger me…Chains

Chains…

All of these suicide talks and posts and “ You are not alone “ and just call THIS number is all just bullshit. Most people on instagram just want to post their selfie of the week and put this little anecdote on the bottom of “ we are all fighting a battle.”

The scripture : Do unto others….shouldn’t it be do TO others as you would have done TO you? I mean the do unto implies that we should probably not lie about bobby because then we don’t want bobby to lie about us. Or that we don’t punch susie because we don’t want susie to punch us. Or we don’t cheat on tommy because we wouldn’t want tommy to cheat on us. But shouldn’t we just do for others what we would want done for us? A hug, a person present, a card, a note, a slight bit of empathy? See in others what they desperately need and give it to them?

I just had a friend in need and I drove 30 minutes on my little atrophied legs to be there for her because it is exactly what I would want someone to do for me. I don’t need praise. I would never do anything for someone for repayment. That’s the point isn’t it? Do for others just to do for them.

But not just a catch phrase or mental health month awareness. Come on! It’s always mental health month around here.

And it’s true no one knows other’s battles but most of the time no one cares. So suicide awareness just seems like bullshit because it would infer that others actually gave a shit how another person felt in a way that they would actually DO something to try and help them NOT feel that way. Currently, in the life I live in it is the opposite. We are all aware already of suicide. Who can’t google the fucking hotline number. It’s about more than that. Do we not owe our fellow human beings a moment of our time? Just a moment? So they don’t feel alone? I’d say that would work a hell of a lot better than a hotline.

I mean would anyone be truly surprised if I committed suicide? I’ve attempted it before. My life is shit. I have no one. Ok well I have my husband and his friends have offered a ride here and there but all in all just for me, no one. Not really. My daughter is ill. I am ill. I have PTSD that is getting worse by the moment. Yet if I DID kill myself everyone would be OH how terrible blah blah blah which is all just bullshit because everyone knows how hard my fucking life is and NO ONE has done one thing above and beyond to help me. Because they are off “fighting their own battles” yeah so I get it. And their are battles. I mean shoot my next door neighbor’s wife is ill like I am and he just got attacked by a pack of dogs. How awful is that. And all the neighbors are a buzz but has anyone knocked on their door to see if he is ok? Nah. What stops people from actually taking an active role in being there for someone else? Nothing stopped me from ripping up my legs to get to my friend in need. I’ve done it before and I would do it again. I would easily sacrifice my own well being for someone else.

Don’t worry this isn’t a cry for help. I’m just posing a question. A valid question. People act surprised. People act mortified, horrified when someone takes their own life. A human being can only stand so much stress and loss and suffering in their life and those around them see it. And most choose to do nothing but put a bumper sticker on their car to make themselves feel as if they have contributed and that isn’t shit. DO SOMETHING. Actually HELP SOMEONE.

If I can drive to see my friend, then drive to my husband in the ER on legs that have not driven in 12 years that far, can you not then go to your friend that you know is suffering and just be present?

I’m not going to kill myself. But I am suffering. Read my blog. I am suffering physically, emotionally, in every way I am suffering. From my past. From my present. From things completely out of my control. Watching my daughter suffer as a mother kills my soul. My phone does not ring though. My emails are not blown up with concern. My own family left me while my daughter was having surgery just because they are heartless son’s of bitches and for fucks sake who does that? FOUR years ago! Because I wrote a letter about being abused. I’ve put it on my blog. My family serves as a great example of how deeply people suck and how many can suck. To abandon your daughter because she was abused while her daughter is in surgery, who does that?! My mother did. Because people suck. People are awful. And a hotline and a bumper sticker and a blog post won’t fix that. They need others to notice and be there for them. A gesture of kindness is all that could be needed between life and death.

So someone kills themself and now we have a movement of media saying just call this number but where are real individuals who are actually DOING for others as they would want done for them. Where are they?

I say lets see action or these empty words will just make those of us who really feel alone, feel even more so because we know that these words are just words. And that the chains that weigh us down will not be lifted anytime soon. I can tell you that many men and women could easily come and lifted a few of these chains. They won’t. They will watch as I suffocate under the weight of them and shake their head as they post on facebook “ If we just could have know what to do.”

Wake up call. A suicide hotline isn’t going to save those who are suicidal. The person that is most close to them and knows they are suffering can. But will that person choose to. Will they do for them what they would wish someone would do for them. I do for others what I would hope would be done for me and yet it never has been. I do wonder if it ever will be.

This post I wrote because of an instagram picture that someone just had to post of themself with a hotline number under it. It was so heartless as most of the posts I read on suicide and the truth of it all. To use suicide as a reason to post a selfie…I don’t know where else to go with this post as my brain has been emptied of the subject so I will end here.

This was part of Linda G Hill Stream of Consciousness Saturday…truly totally stream of consciousness and I’m not even going to reread it because I know I will delete it or never post it.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS June 9/18

38 thoughts on “SoCS : Suicide posts and memes and why they anger me…Chains

  1. People are indeed toilet food. I’ve had PTSD since 9 or 10 and last year because of some really really really sick b8st8rds I almost did it. My family, I asked for help, they were useless. So, thankfully, with God’s help I’m still here. I don’t know if good people exist anymore. All I see is money hungry crazy cartoon people. F**k suicide and PTSD. I’m riding life out, staying good even when it seems like I’m the only one.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Good for you for hanging in there even in the face of all the assholes that do nothing. I’m right their with you.
      And you are right. Sometimes it only takes one comment when you are on the edge to send you over and no one thinks they just hide behind their keyboard and throw out words.
      I’m sorry you had a useless family too.
      “Toilet food” I love that. I need to keep that in my memory for future use!!!
      I’m glad God helped you.
      I’m here if you ever need a listening ear.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. The translation I read the most says: “Also, just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them.” I think that’s more like what you were saying, we should take initiative to treat each other with dignity and love. Death is tragic, whatever the cause. I don’t watch the news and look away from the posts, and I’ve been thinking about you and others all day, because even looking away I see it. Bethany, you are a special one, finding strength and endurance in creation and loving so strongly in spite of being hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Bethany. ((HUG)) — the virtual kind that doesn’t cause pain.

    I understand your anger. All this uproar is… I don’t know. Unsettling. Fake.

    I called a suicide hotline about 45 years ago. I still remember how desperate and alone I felt. I had been through hell on earth, first with my insanely abusive parents, then nearly two years in the horrible mental institution they dumped me in at age 14, and then 3 1/2 years of marriage to a man who cheated with anything that walked, because “you ain’t woman enough to satisfy me,” and who verbally abused me every day and physically beat me between 50 – 100 times during our marriage. And when I told my momster about my husband beating me, she said, among other horrible blame-the-victim things: “Something about you just brings out the worst in other people.”

    I finally found the strength to take our toddler son and leave that first husband, after he knocked me unconscious in front of our child and left me on the floor like that. I woke up to my 2 year old curled up beside me crying, and my husband gone. I was so ANGRY, that I made up my mind to shoot my husband with the gun he kept loaded on top of a high shelf, the next time he hit me. The knock in my head had obviously screwed up my thinking! After a couple of days of planning this, I came to my senses and realized that what I was planning was Premeditated Murder, because the a-hole always hit me over something, every couple of weeks or so!

    That’s when my totally beaten down soul found the ability to take my child and strike out on my own at the age of twenty. I took what was in the bank account, bought a junker that ran, loaded it with some clothes and my kid’s toys, drove it to a nearby city, rented the cheapest place I could find, a tiny travel trailer in a gravel lot behind a gas station — my boy slept on the bed, I slept on the sofa — and I got a job pressing clothes in a dry cleaners. Did all that in a day and a half, I was finally GONE.

    Then I started dating a guy who, surprise surprise, was another A-hole. So one lonely Sunday, sitting in my tiny teardrop shaped old travel trailer, with my boy taking a nap, I called the suicide hotline.

    I told the guy who answered that I was feeling like killing myself. And, Bethany, I swear to God this is true: the sociopath who answered the phone told me that I should go ahead and do it.

    Forty-five years later, I am still here. And the jerk boyfriend who was the final straw that caused me to call the hotline? I married him, 44 years ago, after he was So Sorry for being a jerk, and we had a daughter together. And that marriage, which only lasted 2 years, was even worse than the first one. And now, all these years later, I am finally in a good, happy place, recent surgery not withstanding, and my daughter’s father, a-hole #2, is on his deathbed. And the world is crazier than ever.

    I don’t even know what my point to all of this is, Bethany. Except that I hear you, loud and clear. People can be so heartless and shallow and selfish. The ones with genuine empathy, who truly care, are priceless. And too rare.

    I wrote this stream of conscious, too. Not going to proofread, either.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am SO glad you spoke your soul and heart here on my blog. I really really love that you did that. I love that you escaped these men. I love that you protected your child. I love that you lived. I love that regardless of this asshole on the hotline you survived to tell your story and to exist as one of the beautiful souls that makes faith seem possible.
      I called that hotline too when I was 15. I still remember it too. They didn’t seem to think there was any help for me. After that I attempted suicide. So yeah. That hotline back then….I can only hope that it has improved!!!!!!
      You and I deserved better.
      I’m sorry your family were monsters. I’m sorry the men in your past were monsters. I’m sorry you were beaten and abused so horribly.
      I am grateful you are here to tell your story to to be someone who brightens my day whenever you validate my words. You are special. Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so sorry if it was my post that offended you. 😔I completely agree with you with everything you said, maybe someone’s life won’t be saved from an 800 number counselor.
    But maybe if there is someone that wants to help a person in crisis… they can call to get tips from that number. If someone is in that really bad place, it’s hard to know what to say or what not to say sometimes. Talking to a counselor helped me know how I could be helpful, because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
    I am hoping even though many people are not saying the right thing right now, that it raises awareness and can lead to something positive.
    You are 100% right though in your post, less people would feel isolated and abandoned from family, friends and community if we all just reached out a little more.
    Hang in there… 🤗🤗

    Like

    • Oh I didn’t read a post you did. No this guy posts a sexy picture then the number just so he could show off and it really tipped me off.
      I think someone’s life CAN be saved by any kind of help but I also want others to do their part. We can’t save everyone nor think that everyone else is our responsibility but we can do a simple gesture that could mean so much and so many just do nothing. That is all i was saying. But you know the stream of consciousness you just go with it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • You mean the reblog you did? No way!
        No this was just me being stupid scrolling through instagram forgetting that other’s are insensitive and letting it set me off because they forget the gravity.
        No if i didn’t like it i would have said something.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ok, yes I reposted a earlier post. But it happened to share the same name as the title you mentioned…
        that’s horrible that people are being so insensitive on instagram. I don’t use instagram, it annoyed me when I tried it.

        Like

      • Oh crap. Sorry. No i read your post and liked it.
        I got instagram so i could post all of my photos because that’s what i thought it was. I had no idea it was more of a look at me place kind of like facebook.
        I think from one person who has been through trauma to another who is feeling depressed it is incredibly important to know they are not alone. I just hate it when someone tosses out phrases that don’t mean it and don’t plan to do one thing about it. It’s a heavy subject for many and yet so many are just haphazardly tossing out the subject. But no, didn’t mean you at all. If you had instagram i’d tell you exactly where to look and what pissed me off.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I used the block button a lot last night that’s for sure. And I only have 3 friends on facebook! I just can’t be a part of illusions and fake that people post in either of those places

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I know you have lived the absolute pain and agony of this. The world is so caught up in petty distractions a lot of the time as I see it. After my mother died I realised even more how few people were really there for me, but since then I have been reaching out more and thinking less of my pain and that has helped me. I do think it should not just be a case of do unto others even because that is what you would like but because part of you knows its right and its an impulse from the heart you just cannot deny so must follow it.

    Like

    • Oh I am so sorry that people have dropped away after your mother passed away. That is so so sad. After loss it really is an awakening to who is in your life that is a staple and who is not.
      I reach out too, even with my own pain. I think it is always good to help others nomatter what we are going through if we can. And I agree to follow your heart. I hope someone follows theirs and blesses you today

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I agree. It’s useless to just give people the number of a suicide line. We need CONNECTION from those who care about us, who KNOW us, not some random person on the other end of a line!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bethany, I have trouble responding in a loving or helpful way or can’t even stand to be around certain people because I feel them wanting to gobble me up. There are only three currently in my life and they would love attention and caring but I hate to be around them. I actively run from them. What do you have to say to me?

    Like

  8. I am too stunned to speak. It’s not like me to not have words. This post has really made me think. It has challenged me to think outside the box. It has challenged me to see things from different perspective. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for sharing your heart. I love you. You know I will always be there for you and with you. I have your back. I know what it’s like to have family and friends stab you in the back and leave you to bleed to death. I put up with verbal abuse from my mom, but I think she is finally seeing the light and she is going to heal and her and I will finally have a relationship once more. One day at a time we will all heal. Without your voice and your truth I wouldn’t have voiced my truth. I would still be stuck where I was. You’re my truest friend. You helped me when I needed it most. You still do. Thank you. I love you so much!!!

    Like

    • Thank you for all of your unwavering love and support through everything I have been through.
      I’m so proud of you for how far you have come with your mom. What you have done and said and how you’ve set up boundaries and used your voice and how that healed so many relationships in your life. I love you too. You are a kind soul and I’m so glad to know you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re so welcome. I’m honored to know you. I truly am. Thank you. Thank you so much. It’s been hard work, but it’s worth it in the end. Thank you and so are you. I’m glad to know you as well.

        Liked by 1 person

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