I always saw myself as a weak and voiceless victim. Looking back today I saw absolutely no reservations in speaking the truth. In a restaurant I saw the wife of the man who abused me: I confronted her. Told her the truth. I graffitied the waterski jump on our lake with the truth warning other parents and children. I sent a letter to the abuser, dropped it off at his house. I used all the words I knew how to use without any reservation. Here is the problem…I needed one more person with no reservations.
The scenario was this: We lived on Lily lake. Many residents of Lily lake skied on the Gatorland ski team. Every single weekend we all practiced for our ski shows and competitions either at Billy Bank’s house AKA child molester, or the Winkler’s house. After the word got out I was being abused by Billy Banks through my own words, my mother’s words, and my spray painting the ski jump, everyone knew. Each person had a choice. My parents chose to let my brother keep skiing with the team. Each person that knew on that team chose to go on like nothing happened. Had ONE person said, “Lets have a meeting and keep this ski team going but kick Billy Banks out.” Problem solved! Had my parents said, “ We want our son to be able to keep skiing and INFACT our daughter to keep skiing too so they CAN if you kick Billy Banks out.” Problem solved. How hard would that have been to do? You’ve got a man and his family booted out of the ski team and the ski team resumes all activity with an abused girl still able to ski, her family not affected any more negatively than it has been by the abuse. INSTEAD, each person made a choice. They chose to pretend like nothing happened to me. That choice to go on living as if nothing happened to me destroyed an innocent life! Pushed me to suicidal attempts, mental hospital stay, quitting highschool, and living in my car JUST to avoid watching that lake go on like nothing happened to me. I was broken in a thousand ways NOT only because of the abuser but because of everyone else.
My own family, mother, father, brothers, etc, STILL think I blamed them for what happened to me and that that is my purpose here. To cast blame. They blame me for wanting accountability, validation, and the right to FEEL. They don’t get it that seeing my brother a few weeks ago on that ski team’s facebook page tore out my heart. After 30 years none of them get it! If I could go back to that lake right now and jump in the water that gave me the only solace I felt during those times, I would. I understand the draw people have to those waters. I write my blog to show how the actions of one or many can affect an abused child’s life forever. What happens with inaction.
I do not understand their lack of reservations skiing with a child molester.
I will never understand their lack of reservations. Ever.
This was written as Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday: https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-16-18/