This space currently accepting apologies (hint: You’re SUPPOSED TO APOLOGIZE)
This writing is part of Linda G Hill stream of consciousness Saturday https://lindaghill.com/2018/07/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-7-18/. Using “sup” in a word, I’m using “supposed.”
It’s time. I’ve waited 30 years. I’ve felt the frustration of denial, betrayal, abandonment. I’ve felt rage, disappointment, sadness, and deep depression.
I’d like to know what it feels like to have someone apologize. You’re supposed to apologize to those you’ve hurt. It takes a person willing to put their pride aside. It takes a person who has courage and who is willing to rise above those who they may have fallen down with. It takes honor.
It’s never to late to apologize. I have a long list of those who I’d like apologies from. Those who supported a child abuser. Those who knew and did not protect me. Ricky, Dino, Steve. Those who chose to stay knowing it was betraying me, Andy. Those who could not tell me they are sorry for everything I went through, mom, dad. Those who stood by a man who changed the course of my life with torment and torture, Sandra and your entire family. You all know who you are. You all who covered up my words on that waterski jump. You all who thought I was willing as a child to be abused. All of you who contributed to the PTSD that I suffer from every single day. You know who you are. Step forward. Past boyfriends, men, abusers, women, bullies. Any of you. All of you. Step forward now.
I’ve felt everything BUT the feeling of another human being accepting, and respecting, and apologizing for their part and for my suffering.
It’s time. I am accepting apologies. You may email me firstname.lastname@example.org or you may be a real stand up character and publicly apologize right here.
You know who you are if you’ve hurt me. You carry that burden. You know what you’ve done. Imagine how you will feel by doing the right thing finally.
You’re supposed to do the right thing.
Even if it takes 30 years.
It’s time. I am ready to learn now it feels to hear the words of those who hurt me, apologize.
I’ll be awaiting what you were supposed to do ages ago. And I will forgive.