I had a cry breakdown in CVS and no one seemed to mind

My husband was out of town today and I knew I had to make a trip to CVS to get a glucose monitor. I’ve made this trip once a week for the last many months as part of what I consider my physical therapy. It is only 8 minutes from my house down a back road. I stop at a church prayer garden on the way. I have done this with no problems so many times. Lately, things are different. I don’t know why. I don’t know what is happening to my body and why it is cramping or becoming so debilitated with pain causing insomnia and every other sort of thing. Is it the Lyme disease, the muscle disease? What is it? I won’t know. There is no way to know.

It was supposed to be a simple trip but the Doctor’s office did not get the correct prescription…twice…the forgot the strips, then the needles, then forgot to name the exact glucose meter. Ridiculous! While waiting I decided to stop at the prayer garden because their is a lot I am grateful for and a lot I wanted to pray about.

I am so glad I stopped. Their was a flower that stopped me in my tracks. I just looked over and it called to me. As I looked down there was the teeny tiniest tree frog in the flower. I adored him! I took his photo from every angle I could think of. Then I went and prayed at the cross.

The CVS is only across the road from the church garden. I made it back to the pharmacy only to find out they still had not gotten the prescription right. I stood as long as my legs could stand and then I squat down. I waited. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. Finally I sat down and leaned against the rack of bandaids. I couldn’t stand back up and sit in the chair because I’d have to walk to the chair and get up again. I was cemented there. And everyone stared. Tons of people walked around me, by me, scooted in front of me. I listened to everyone complain about not being able to find this or that and have outright fits to the employees.

I felt overwhelmed. I started saying to myself, ” I will NOT have a cry breakdown in the CVS” over and over again. Then I decided to make it positive! ” I will think of the little frog. I will focus on that precious frog in the garden.” I repeated it over and over again in my head until the pharmacist came over with my prescription that was finally ready. I stood up and gave my card and he says to me, ” What did you just run a marathon or something? What’s up with your legs?” I immediately said, ” I have a muscle disease. I wish I would have just run a marathon. It feels like I just ran a marathon. But no, I did not just run a marathon.” To which he said nothing. Blank face. Not a word. I don’t know what came over me but I started to cry. I got my two bags and carrying one in each hand walked very very slowly limping across the entire store past each person who stopped and looked at me and I cried and I cried. And no one seemed to mind.

I got to the car and knew my heart rate was too high and I would need to rest in the car but a person with a disabled sticker pulled up and was waiting on me. They had to wait. I could not make my body do what it could not do. I cried all the way home and then I just stopped. I felt no better. I felt nothing. I felt numb.

I lay in my bed trying to think of something good. I thought of when I used to swim to my Nana’s house across the lake. How sometimes when I got there she’d be asleep. She always left the side door open. I would stick my head in and tip toe soaking wet over her shag carpet and peek in her room and she’d be asleep. I lay here thinking of how cold her house was and how I loved the way it smelled. I loved the way she smelled. Then I thought about the little frog in the flower and took a nap. End of story.

68 thoughts on “I had a cry breakdown in CVS and no one seemed to mind

  1. The life we once had is no longer the life we lead today. You’re a brave soul but even brave souls need to cry it out sometimes. Being as sentimental as I am, I don’t blame you for crying at his response, I would have broken down too. It’s those responses and comments that remind me that I am no longer who I was. I want to love the new me but it’s hard to accept it at times, especially when people have the reaction like the one you received today. Hope you are feeling better! 🙏🏽😌

    Liked by 5 people

    • Interestingly enough this was not the normal pharmacy I use. I use a grocery store pharmacy and they know all about me in every way and are accommodating to the inth degree!!! This was a new place that I only chose because I could make it there on my own in the car and it had a drive through so I wouldn’t have to walk. Well that didn’t work out so well. Fortunately now I know not to get my things from there and hopefully next time their will be other options

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I believe you are allowed to have a breakdown! You go through so much and they can’t do one little thing right. I can’t believe how bad our country has gotten at just plain customer service!
    The garden sounds wonderful and I’m glad you stopped as well.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s ok to breakdown; and we do have to breakdown to allow ourselves to let go. It’s a bitter world that we live in now but you seem to be very courageous, in so much that you are able to share your feelings with us. Stay strong please; there will be ups and there will be downs. Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I understand. Yesterday was like that for me too – for complicated reasons. But instead of crying at my post at the voting place, I developed intestinal issues that were totally embarrassing. But somehow got through the day, did my part packing up the voting machines and got home without anyone fussing at me. I prayed for them to have patience and/or stay unaware of the problem somehow.
    Today is better. I will survive. And my lessons in humility have subsided for awhile at least. Life goes on. And I learn slowly to embrace the beautiful with all my heart as a defense against the uglies.
    Include you in prayers too.

    Like

    • Oh my I had stomach issues too but did not write about that and could not open the bathroom door bc i don’t have the strength to open bathroom doors.
      I’m so sorry you had a hard day too!
      Today is better for me too. I like to put those bad days behind me and just move forward when I am able. Not always that easy but sometimes somedays are easier than others.
      Thank you for including me in your prayers. That means so much to me. Thank you

      Like

  5. so sorry you had this experience, sometimes our bodies scare the hell out of us. But wow! i am so proud of you for taking time to think of positive things when you got home! And, your picture is absolutely adorable!

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  6. So sorry you had to go through all that. I’ve broken down into tears in public before – at a restaurant. I couldn’t stop crying. People stared. I felt embarrassed that I couldn’t get myself under control. The person I was with just let me cry, didn’t try to stop my tears. I appreciated her acceptance. Hope you’re feeling better.

    Like

      • It’s interesting to hear the debate change as the truth comes out. I know at least Two people who voted for Trump who now wonder what they were thinking. They were convinced Hillary Clinton was too corrupt to be President. Today I had a chat with one of them and he said, “Trump is shit, no one could be worse.”

        I replied, “That’s a 100% turnaround from 2016.”

        He said, “Yeah. The Russians had me suckered.”

        This is an everyday American who was a Trump supporter who now understands he was suckered by Russian propaganda. That gives me hope.

        Like

      • It is all very very scary. I had to step away from watching the news a few months ago. The scarinesss of it all just left me so unsettled. I think a lot of people have changed their opinions.

        Liked by 1 person

      • The truth is unavoidable. The man in the White House was not elected by the American people and it looks more probable that certain members of congress are there to protect an illegitimate president. It’s hard to sustain an argument that everyone except the ideologues on Fox News is lying.

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  7. How insensitive of that pharmacist. I mean we all put our foot in our mouths at times, but come. on. Seriously dude??? It’s a fucking pharmacy. And then to just give you a blank stare. How about saying, “Oh, I’m so sorry. How insensitive of me.” Ugh!
    It’s also ridiculous that they kept getting the script wrong too. wtf?

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  8. Oh honey I’m so sorry you went through this 💞💞. You are a courageous and amazing woman! I’m hoping that he just didn’t know what to say, like he got taken by surprise. It makes me feel better to try and imagine the best in people. But yeah, in your shoes, your situation, I probably would’ve done the same thing you did because it probably would have hit me the same way. Big big hugs to you, luv 💜💙💚😘😘

    Like

    • It’s ironic. I realized that the shoes that I wear are called racing flats. They are for marathon runners. They are the only shoes I can lift my legs in because they are only 6 ounces. So maybe he really thought I had just run and I caught him off guard when I told him I had a muscle disease. It was not as much him as it was me. I was so sad that I was having to sit on the floor in pain. A dirty floor at that and then to think that I could have run a marathon and that I could barely walk in there. The entire scenario just overwhelmed me. People are just not very intuned or empathetic and I should be used to that by now but I do wish I would run across someone along the way that reached out in a kind way when I was at a low.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Agreed, luv 😘😘. The world at large lacks empathy; it’s not just a particular diagnostic group. Most people are just clueless about anything outside their sphere of experience. If they or someone they care about hasn’t gone through it, it “doesn’t exist” – at least to them (wouldn’t it be nice if it didn’t exist at all, for anyone??) 💞. I am always amazed by you and your experience and who you are as a person 😍😍💖🙌🏼🙌🏼❣

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  9. Hugs. People can be so clueless unless it is they who have a need. I’m so sorry for your pain. The tiny frog was there for you. And what a beautiful photo you took of it. It’s saddest to feel invisible because others choose not to see you. I understand. You matter. Just like your little friend, someone sees you there and treasures you. 💕

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    • Thank you! Very sweet words to say. It’s funny because my husband ran into cvs tonight while i was in the car and I thought ahhhh not going in there to have a cry breakdown is a good . Was grateful he could do it for me.
      Isn’t that litttle frog just adorable. Thank you for commenting 🙂

      Like

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