My husband was out of town today and I knew I had to make a trip to CVS to get a glucose monitor. I’ve made this trip once a week for the last many months as part of what I consider my physical therapy. It is only 8 minutes from my house down a back road. I stop at a church prayer garden on the way. I have done this with no problems so many times. Lately, things are different. I don’t know why. I don’t know what is happening to my body and why it is cramping or becoming so debilitated with pain causing insomnia and every other sort of thing. Is it the Lyme disease, the muscle disease? What is it? I won’t know. There is no way to know.
It was supposed to be a simple trip but the Doctor’s office did not get the correct prescription…twice…the forgot the strips, then the needles, then forgot to name the exact glucose meter. Ridiculous! While waiting I decided to stop at the prayer garden because their is a lot I am grateful for and a lot I wanted to pray about.
I am so glad I stopped. Their was a flower that stopped me in my tracks. I just looked over and it called to me. As I looked down there was the teeny tiniest tree frog in the flower. I adored him! I took his photo from every angle I could think of. Then I went and prayed at the cross.
The CVS is only across the road from the church garden. I made it back to the pharmacy only to find out they still had not gotten the prescription right. I stood as long as my legs could stand and then I squat down. I waited. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. Finally I sat down and leaned against the rack of bandaids. I couldn’t stand back up and sit in the chair because I’d have to walk to the chair and get up again. I was cemented there. And everyone stared. Tons of people walked around me, by me, scooted in front of me. I listened to everyone complain about not being able to find this or that and have outright fits to the employees.
I felt overwhelmed. I started saying to myself, ” I will NOT have a cry breakdown in the CVS” over and over again. Then I decided to make it positive! ” I will think of the little frog. I will focus on that precious frog in the garden.” I repeated it over and over again in my head until the pharmacist came over with my prescription that was finally ready. I stood up and gave my card and he says to me, ” What did you just run a marathon or something? What’s up with your legs?” I immediately said, ” I have a muscle disease. I wish I would have just run a marathon. It feels like I just ran a marathon. But no, I did not just run a marathon.” To which he said nothing. Blank face. Not a word. I don’t know what came over me but I started to cry. I got my two bags and carrying one in each hand walked very very slowly limping across the entire store past each person who stopped and looked at me and I cried and I cried. And no one seemed to mind.
I got to the car and knew my heart rate was too high and I would need to rest in the car but a person with a disabled sticker pulled up and was waiting on me. They had to wait. I could not make my body do what it could not do. I cried all the way home and then I just stopped. I felt no better. I felt nothing. I felt numb.
I lay in my bed trying to think of something good. I thought of when I used to swim to my Nana’s house across the lake. How sometimes when I got there she’d be asleep. She always left the side door open. I would stick my head in and tip toe soaking wet over her shag carpet and peek in her room and she’d be asleep. I lay here thinking of how cold her house was and how I loved the way it smelled. I loved the way she smelled. Then I thought about the little frog in the flower and took a nap. End of story.